The Lorenzo's Letter
by RBSGimmel
Summary: Irene attempts to make peace with Archie, after have moved away for a long time.


When Frank and Irene Lorenzo became the Bunkers' neighbors, Edith and Irene grew very close. However, Archie hated her with a passion.

Irene was extremely liberal, completely polarized to Archie's personality, thus setting the stage for many heated arguments between the two.

After the Lorenzos left the neighborhood abruptly - without any apparent reason for their departure - the Bunkers receive a letter from them, explaining why they left so suddenly, without even saying goodbye.

Archie's reaction to the letter is quite surprising, and totally out of character.

* * *

 **(Archie, walking in the house and hanging up his hat and jacket.)**

Edith, hey Edith, can you get me a beer?

 **Edith, busy in the kitchen cooking supper.**

Sure thing Archie, coming right away.

 **Edith, opening up the fridge, and looking for a beer.**

I'm sorry Archie, but it looks like we ran out of beer. Would you like me to go buy you some?

 **Archie, with his "No Edith…" look**

No Edith, I want you to brew it here at home.

 **Edith, with her "puzzled" look**

But I don't think we've got all the ingredients.

 **Archie** Dingbat, will you stifle yourself!

 **Archie (looking at Mike, who's visiting with Gloria)**

Hey Meathead, can you go out and buy me some beer?

 **Michael** Sorry Arch, I need to be at an anti-war protest in Manhattan soon.

 **Archie** Ah Geez, look at this Pinko Liberal. He got five years of free room and board, and still can't do his landlord a favor.

 **Michael (getting all worked up)**

I told you before. As soon as I finish college and get a job, I'll pay you every penny that I owe you, with interest!

 **(Michael leaves the house)**

 **Archie (now putting his hat and jacket back on)**

Forget it, I'm going over to Kelcy's Bar to get my own beer.

 **Edith, hollering from the kitchen**

But Archie, what about supper? I cooked your favorite pork chops.

 **Archie** I ain't got no appetite without my beer.

 **(Archie leaves the house)**

 **(Gloria enters the kitchen.)**

Ma, what was that all about?

 **Edith** Oh Gloria, I don't know. I hope your father ain't mad at me for not having his beer.

 **Gloria** Ma, I've told you before. You don't have to be a slave to Daddy.

 **Edith** Oh no Gloria. I ain't his slave. I love your father. Without him going out to work like that every day, we wouldn't have no money for nothing.

 **(Edith, now looking up in thought)**

The bank would come and take away our house. Where would you sleep, in the street? You'd be coming into the kitchen to talk with your mother, and it'd be a different person.

 **(Gloria looking confused)**

 **(The doorbell rings)**

 **Edith** I'll get it

 **(Edith runs to the door and opens it. The mailman is there)**

 **Mailman** I have a registered mail for Mr. and Mrs. Archie Bunker.

 **Edith** I'm Mrs. Bunker.

 **Mailman** Could you please sign here.

 **(Edith signs and takes the latter, and closes the door)**

 **Gloria** Ma, who's it from?

 **Edith** It says it's from Frank and Irene Lorenzo.

 **Gloria (starting to become anxious)**

Ma, please read it.

 **Edith (reading from letter)**

Dear Edith and Archie,

I'm sure you've been wondering why we left Hauser St. so abruptly without saying goodbye.

Please don't jump to conclusions. It's not because of Archie or anything like that. It's just that I felt so close with you Edith, that I thought that saying goodbye will be saying goodbye forever, so I decided to skip it.

I realize now how wrong I was.

Now that I don't see you on a daily basis Edith, I feel more and more how much I miss our friendship.

 **(Edith and Gloria both seem to have tears in their eyes)**

I'd like to see you again Edith. And equally important, I'd like to make peace with Archie. I realize that he and I have differences - huge differences - but that doesn't mean that we can't be friends.

 **(Edith and Gloria now starting to laugh)**

 **Edith and Gloria (together, looking at each other)**

Irene and Archie friends?

 **(The door opens, and Archie barges in, with his usual bad mood)**

 **Edith** Archie, why are you back so quickly? Is everything alright?

 **Archie** Edith, everything is terrible. I ask for a beer at home. We ain't got none left. I go to Kelcy's Bar, and he's closed for the next hour, to restock on beer. What's the world coming to? Wherever I go, nobody's got any beer! Makes you think of Irene Lorenzo, can't get anywhere with her.

By the way, what ever happened with Irene? We haven't heard from or seen her in a long time? Not that I mind not seeing her, but was just wondering. Maybe they decided that a liberal and fruitcake can't live next to a bigot.

 **(Edith and Gloria laughing hard, Archie looking puzzled at them)**

 **Archie** What's wrong with the two of yous?

 **Edith and Gloria (together)**

Nothing

 **(The two now giggling again)**

 **Archie** I asked what's wrong with the two of yous? Don't you be telling me "nothing". I know you're up to something.

 **Edith** Archie, just listen to this.

 **(Edith reads Archie the letter, and he appears to be paying close attention)**

 **Archie** So that Pinko Liberal and her Dago husband want to make peace with me, huh?

 **Edith** Archie, please be nice. She really means it.

 **Archie** Yea, yea. But listen. I'm willing to give it a try to see how much she really means it.

Why don't we invite them for supper next week, and we'll see what's really on their minds.

 **Gloria (with a shocked face)**

Did I just hear that correctly? Daddy's inviting Irene Lorenzo to supper?

 **Archie** You heard it right little girl. Come next week, we'll see if she's for real, or she has something up her sleeve.

 **(Fast forward to next week)**

 **(The table is set decoratively for six)**

 **(The doorbell rings)**

 **Edith** I'll get it.

 **(Edith runs to open the door)**

 **(Frank and Irene appear)**

 **Edith (sounding very emotional)**

Frank, Irene - welcome!

 **(Edith and Irene hug each other)**

 **(Michael and Gloria come in from the kitchen. Michael shakes Frank's hand, and Gloria hugs Irene after Edith finishes)**

 **Irene** Edith, Mike, Gloria. It's been so long, but all of you look terrific!

 **Gloria** Thanks Irene. Frank and you look terrific too!

 **Frank** Where's Archie?

 **(The toilet flush is sounded from upstairs)**

 **Frank** Never mind. I think I know where he is.

 **Archie (coming down the stairs)**

 **Archie** Well, look who's here: Frank and Irene Lorenzo. Welcome, welcome back to our humble block.

 **(Everyone is seated at the table)**

 **Archie** So, what made you decide to come back to the old country?

 **Irene** Well Archie, I've been really thinking about it. I really feel awful that we didn't get along with each other. Maybe we could give it another chance?

 **Archie** To tell you the truth Irene, I've been thinking about you and Frank too.

 **(Frank and Irene give each other a shocked look)**

 **Frank and Irene (together)**

You have?

 **Archie** Yes I have. And it's all been positive. I really think that all of us should resolve our differences and get along together.

 **(Gloria, drinking from her cup, and upon hearing her father's words, bursts out laughing, and spitting the entire drink from her mouth)**

 **Archie** No no little girl. I'm serious. It's time that us bigots heard the other side, and accepted it.

Just like there are many channels on television, so too there are different types of people, and we should be able to hear them out and accept them.

 **Mike** Arch, are you feeling okay?

 **Archie** Michael, I said it before, and I'll say it again. We all have to come together and understand and accept each other.

 **Mike** You mean you'll never call them "Colored People" anymore?

 **Archie** Hold it, hold it. I never said the White Americans aren't superior to all the other races. All I said was that us Whites have to accept the lesser breeds.

 **Mike** I knew it. I knew it. This man can't contain himself. He'll never grow up.

 **Gloria** Mike. Hold it. Daddy did say that he'd like to understand and accept others. At least give him credit for that.

 **Mike** Okay Gloria. You're right.

Archie, I really never thought I'd live to see this day. And Gloria has helped me understand it even better now.

May I propose a toast?

 **Archie** Go ahead Meathead.

 **(Everyone raises their cup)**

 **Mike** Here's a toast to the unification of the Polaks, Dagos, and Pinko Liberals.

 **(Everyone toasts each other, and then a crying Joey is heard from upstairs)**


End file.
